In thrapy 3 loneliness

- I feel so lonely, it's like noone cares about me.
- How do you mean?
- Everyone got someone to rely on but me. My friends got kids and familys of their own, I'm just a single     woman with not much friends.
- But you got friends and still feel alone?
- Yes, its that point when I sit alone in my room in the evening and I feel that something is missing. I so would want to have a kid to care for.
- In  that moment of loneliness what do you do? What are you thinking about?
- I get sad and put on some music, then I hear in the song someone else have this same feeling as I have. So I figure out that I am not so alone after all. Its a human feeling.
- Yes thats right. Its a human feeling to like to be a part of the society and community. Of course you look to the friend with a child when you don't have one. She can be secretly looking at you too and miss the time when she was so free to do anything because you ought to know that with children comes obligations.
- I would like that to have the child to care for, to have the obligation towards another small being, a part of me it should be. Or any other child in the world. Just someone to care for, perhaps an animal. I just don't understand the people that choose not to have kids because kids are the joy of life.
- Mhm, so having a kid would help you from loneliness. What if you cant have children? And if you dont meet "the right one"?
- Thats when I get sad. What if I will never be able to have what I wish to have.
- What if anything is possible?
- How?
- All you have to have is the Will and the Word. Go on make a wish and it will come true.

Some people just have that look about them

This day I took the bicycle to the store, I had a package to leave at the post office and some food to buy. (Posten- the post-office in Sweden is inside food-stores nowadays). I rang the bell and I saw him come towards me. He was working today. I felt the awkwardness come creeping in. He recognized me (I saw it in his eyes), he took the parcel and looked at the weight of it. I asked if I could get an A-prioritaire mark for that. It comes in the post tomorrow anyway, he says. (Its the same country post, dumb girl). But you need another poststamp. Oh I don't got one with me. He looks at me, writes the cost on a piece of paper. Show this to register cashier personal, I will put another stamp on your letter and see that it goes, he says and smiles. I thank him and walk away, I have still the grocerylist to go through firstly, hope I remember the note. Yeah. I did my shopping in a hurry, to get out, to get some air, to breathe.
  What more can I have said to him? Smiled more and winked maybe? I did do that, didn't I? I could have stood still and watched him get that extra poststamp on the parcel, letter/thing. Waited for something more? I trust him. Some people just have that look about them. Comfort, warmth, hot-blooded type, that searching eyes. Should I have said something more? Wondering still.

in thrpy 2

- Trust issues. I don't trust anybody. That's my problem.
- So you rather sit at home alone instead of going out?
- Because I've been there and done that. I've seen it all.
- Very good, and don't you wish to experience it all again?
- Oh yes I do. And No, I want to do something different. Now I can do something different because I know what happened last time..
  I won't drink too much at a party and fall asleep in the snow afterwards.
- Yes, you were so lucky that the ambulance got to you in time.
- You know what? I have no recollection of that. I know I woke up in a hospitalbed and I was so surprised by it. The last thing I remember was talking about Jim Carrey films by the dinnertable with some guys. I don't even remember going out of her apartment.
- Mhmh. Well you're not alone, this is something that happens to alot of people.
- What do you say? I am not alot of people. I am the good daughter. Why are you making me angry?
- Its natural to feel.. What is it you feel? Disappointed, at your "perfect image". You are only human, my darling dear. And superstition is normal. Everyone has trust issues, every body hurts

Go out and have some fun again, but be careful with your drinking.

in thrapy

In therapy
- What are you afraid of then?
- Only the unknown. If I do do those things I have thought of doing, I expect some kind of response.
All I want is likes and no dislikes. I mean What will I do with dislikes? I have searched for the ney sayers on twitter and given my response to them. Why is it so? I'm actively searching for those who think different than me instead of belonging to the group of same thinkers? Those who think alike? What is my problem?
- There is so many ways of saying it but it all comes done to the will and the word. Let it be known what you want and it will come to you.
- Ok, what is it I want?
- To not be afraid. You will have to begin to think more positively. Reach out...

(therapist singing I'll be there...and scene)