- I feel so lonely, it's like noone cares about me.
- How do you mean?
- Everyone got someone to rely on but me. My friends got kids and familys of their own, I'm just a single woman with not much friends.
- But you got friends and still feel alone?
- Yes, its that point when I sit alone in my room in the evening and I feel that something is missing. I so would want to have a kid to care for.
- In that moment of loneliness what do you do? What are you thinking about?
- I get sad and put on some music, then I hear in the song someone else have this same feeling as I have. So I figure out that I am not so alone after all. Its a human feeling.
- Yes thats right. Its a human feeling to like to be a part of the society and community. Of course you look to the friend with a child when you don't have one. She can be secretly looking at you too and miss the time when she was so free to do anything because you ought to know that with children comes obligations.
- I would like that to have the child to care for, to have the obligation towards another small being, a part of me it should be. Or any other child in the world. Just someone to care for, perhaps an animal. I just don't understand the people that choose not to have kids because kids are the joy of life.
- Mhm, so having a kid would help you from loneliness. What if you cant have children? And if you dont meet "the right one"?
- Thats when I get sad. What if I will never be able to have what I wish to have.
- What if anything is possible?
- How?
- All you have to have is the Will and the Word. Go on make a wish and it will come true.
DT - One thing Keep remembering. Evil is an abbrevation. You get upset when a woman get abused
CF - Yes, you look at me as if I dont?
DT - At Darfur its one of the most awful places worst place, met with refugees, talked with them, they could laugh. the men who Nurse white robes, clean, spotless.
CF - Where do they get the water?
DT - Part of it there are trucks. If the women go out of the camp the women get raped.
CF - What?
DT - Human beings are incredible. I mean you are incredible
CF - The thing I was gonna uh
DT - The second thing.. shh
CF - Oh yeye no you're right, you're good
DT - ..incredible thing, The humanitarian workers. Have we hear enough craze of fantastic people, many of them go their second, third mission. What make them go there? They get no kudos. They can't live normal life if they don't go
CF - Is that why you hang on to the faith? When you see such evil, is it a test of your faith?
DT - It is that Evil is evil. You can't seek to the ghastliness when people put others into gaschambers.
CF - ye..
DT - I mean that is awful there is no word had good enough to describe the level of Evil, I mean in the Truth and Reconcilation commission we had some gruesome accounts. Somebody said we gave him drug coffe, we shot him in the head, and then we burned his body, it takes 7-8hour for a human body to burn completely. And so whilst the body is burning here we're having a barbeque here drinking beer and laughing and there the human body burnin and here cowflesh burnin and you say what could have happened o the humanity of anyone that they could sink so low Had a barbeque next to that.
CF - What could have happened and How do you find reconciliation, how do you find forgiveness in that? It must be its a gigantic tragedy.
DT - It is and yet have met Not just black people, white people too, who had this incredible, One woman was with friends at a X-mas party at a golfclub, and one of the liberation movements threw handgrenades into the party and Several people were killed, she wasnt killed but she was so badly wounded she was in ICU for several months now She is talkin she says she couldn't when she came out, she couldn't wash herself, she couldnt cloth herself, she couldn't feed herself, it was done for her by her children and then she says. I mean a condition that leaves her
Totally hopeless. She said It has Enriched my life. I mean, enriched my life, This woman crazy
CF - It's very advanced for me, I dont get it
DT - And Then she says I'd like to meet the perpertrator. I'd like to meet him in the spirit of forgiveness. I'd like to forgive him and I hope he forgives me.
CF - Is that the only way to freedom? I remember something about Hearing the Dalai Lama talking about he Felt he was in danger with the chinese because he felt himself loosing compassion for them, which I really didn't understand at the time, but it sounds a little bit like your saying. .
DT - The thing is that you and I, and all of us. Even when we don't accept it I mean or understand. It is that God created us in such a way that I can't be human on my own. I wouldn't know how to walk as a human being, I wouldn't know how to think, I wouldn't know how to speak, I wouldn't know how to be a human being Except through learning from other human being. and so our humanity is bound with one another. And you see If you carry out a policy that dehumanizes others in the process you are dehumanized, you know and so you understand now, you understand how others can say in order for me to be me, I want to forgive you. Because, have you discovered? When you don't forgive frequently, you feel it in you tumtum
CF - Ye I always was told that resentment was like drinking poison and then excepting someone else to die, you know that has...
DT - That was beautiful
CF - Thank you very much its not mine. Father Tutu, we must take a break.
((It was a Quote from Nelson Mandela))
Transcripted from an Episode of Craig Ferguson Late Show with guest Desmond Tutu. Check it out on youtube if you wish. I own nothing.
- Trust issues. I don't trust anybody. That's my problem.
- So you rather sit at home alone instead of going out?
- Because I've been there and done that. I've seen it all.
- Very good, and don't you wish to experience it all again?
- Oh yes I do. And No, I want to do something different. Now I can do something different because I know what happened last time..
I won't drink too much at a party and fall asleep in the snow afterwards.
- Yes, you were so lucky that the ambulance got to you in time.
- You know what? I have no recollection of that. I know I woke up in a hospitalbed and I was so surprised by it. The last thing I remember was talking about Jim Carrey films by the dinnertable with some guys. I don't even remember going out of her apartment.
- Mhmh. Well you're not alone, this is something that happens to alot of people.
- What do you say? I am not alot of people. I am the good daughter. Why are you making me angry?
- Its natural to feel.. What is it you feel? Disappointed, at your "perfect image". You are only human, my darling dear. And superstition is normal. Everyone has trust issues, every body hurts
Go out and have some fun again, but be careful with your drinking.
I've heard of this dreamboard through Oprah, TV-show I've even made an attempt to do my own kind of dream board.
Now recently I've heard about this moodboard. Its used by designers when they want to style a room or something. The idea of it is apparently that helps others to 'get inside our heads' in order to convey a thematic setting for a design or to explain function in piece of work. The mood board is used to get the right feeling for the livingroom or kitchen you want to decorate.
My work in progress.
(Although to me it sounded like a mood board should be about showing how one's week has been. Did I feel happy or sad this day? The mood board could be a Good tool in therapy I imagine. I don't know anything about decorating myself, I'm more into human feelings.)
In therapy
- What are you afraid of then?
- Only the unknown. If I do do those things I have thought of doing, I expect some kind of response.
All I want is likes and no dislikes. I mean What will I do with dislikes? I have searched for the ney sayers on twitter and given my response to them. Why is it so? I'm actively searching for those who think different than me instead of belonging to the group of same thinkers? Those who think alike? What is my problem?
- There is so many ways of saying it but it all comes done to the will and the word. Let it be known what you want and it will come to you.
- Ok, what is it I want?
- To not be afraid. You will have to begin to think more positively. Reach out...
