Ten years ago (September 10. 2003)

Ten years ago (September 10. 2003)
I was this day on a square in Stockholm called Medborgarplatsen. The politicians Socialdemokraterna had the spotlight, took the stage did a woman called Anna Lindh, she talked for a while to introduce the now former statsminister Göran Persson. They talked about voting Yes for the Euro (money).
I don't remember much of what was said. I only went there because my boyfriend wanted to see and he is totally Yes Euro. "Solidaritet" is often mentioned by that party Socialdemokraterna, I think it means You have to be a good neighbour; stand by someone in hard times; show love to the poor(not quite, to anybody?). Let's say I didn't understand much of what was said, although I was impressed by Anna Lindh, that a woman (with glasses like me) could be talking important matters next to the primeminister of Sweden Göran Persson(whom my father was a great fan of). I remember Anna Lindh, her smile and handshake.

The next day on the train on my way to school, I got a sms saying the news that Anna Lindh is dead. I was stunned, in chock that day. When I got to class we got the message that class would not be cancelled but at 12 o'clock we could go to the aula to watch the primeminister speech on TV. Teareyed Göran Persson.

Today
The news have shown remembering programs all weekend of Anna Lindh, who was stabbed to death September 11, 2003. She has done alot of good for women in the land that doesn´t exist(Kurdistan, somewhere within the drawn lines of Turkey, Iran, Iraq and Syria). She could have done alot of more if she had lived on, but now she only lives on in the memories we keep.
(Sweden voted No to Euro(money). Swedish krona seem to be doing alright today. Ten years later and no female Primeminister of Sweden yet).

mandela and forgiveness

DT - One thing Keep remembering. Evil is an abbrevation. You get upset when a     woman get abused

CF - Yes, you look at me as if I dont?

DT - At Darfur its one of the most awful places worst place, met with refugees, talked with them, they could laugh. the men who Nurse white robes, clean, spotless.

CF - Where do they get the water?

DT - Part of it there are trucks. If the women go out of the camp the women get raped.

CF - What?

DT - Human beings are incredible. I mean you are incredible

CF - The thing I was gonna uh

DT - The second thing.. shh

CF - Oh yeye no you're right, you're good

DT - ..incredible thing, The humanitarian workers. Have we hear enough craze of fantastic people, many of them go their second, third mission. What make them go there? They get no kudos. They can't live normal life if they don't go

CF - Is that why you hang on to the faith? When you see such evil, is it a test of your faith?

DT - It is that Evil is evil. You can't seek to the ghastliness when people put others into gaschambers.

CF - ye..

DT - I mean that is awful there is no word had good enough to describe the level of Evil, I mean in the Truth and Reconcilation commission we had some gruesome accounts. Somebody said we gave him drug coffe, we shot him in the head, and then we burned his body, it takes 7-8hour for a human body to burn completely. And so whilst the body is burning here we're having a barbeque here drinking beer and laughing and there the human body burnin and here cowflesh burnin and you say what could have happened o the humanity of anyone that they could sink so low Had a barbeque next to that.

CF - What could have happened and How do you find reconciliation, how do you find forgiveness in that? It must be its a gigantic tragedy.

DT - It is and yet have met Not just black people, white people too, who had this incredible, One woman was with friends at a X-mas party at a golfclub, and one of the liberation movements threw handgrenades into the party and Several people were killed, she wasnt killed but she was so badly wounded she was in ICU for several months now She is talkin she says she couldn't when she came out, she couldn't wash herself, she couldnt cloth herself, she couldn't feed herself, it was done for her by her children and then she says. I mean a condition that leaves her
Totally hopeless. She said It has Enriched my life. I mean, enriched my life, This woman crazy

CF - It's very advanced for me, I dont get it

DT - And Then she says I'd like to meet the perpertrator. I'd like to meet him in the spirit of forgiveness. I'd like to forgive him and I hope he forgives me.

CF - Is that the only way to freedom? I remember something about Hearing the Dalai Lama talking about he Felt he was in danger with the chinese because he felt himself loosing compassion for them, which I really didn't understand at the time, but it sounds a little bit like your saying. .

DT - The thing is that you and I, and all of us. Even when we don't accept it I mean or understand. It is that God created us in such a way that I can't be human on my own. I wouldn't know how to walk as a human being, I wouldn't know how to think, I wouldn't know how to speak, I wouldn't know how to be a human being Except through learning from other human being. and so our humanity is bound with one another. And you see If you carry out a policy that dehumanizes others in the process you are dehumanized, you know and so you understand now, you understand how others can say in order for me to be me, I want to forgive you. Because, have you discovered? When you don't forgive frequently, you feel it in you tumtum

CF - Ye I always was told that resentment was like drinking poison and then excepting someone else to die, you know that has...

DT - That was beautiful

CF - Thank you very much its not mine. Father Tutu, we must take a break.
((It was a Quote from Nelson Mandela))

Transcripted from an Episode of Craig Ferguson Late Show with guest Desmond Tutu. Check it out on youtube if you wish. I own nothing.

Weekly update

I thought I go out to get entertained by some culture last week.
STOFF arrangemang in Stockholm. John Malkovich has been to Sthlm Sweden and performed a horror story with teathre. - I did not go I'm sorry, but I felt it to be a 'too evil to my stomach' show. (Real reason: it was sold out)
Then I was supposed to demonstrate against the chemicals, the GMO company, the Manolo- monolo- Mo ma mo.. some bad guy with power that should not be allowed to throw pesticides on our crops/ vegetables/ green green grass. - I did not go to demonstrate becoz I forgot about it.. (thought it was today, when it was yesterday).

What I did do last week out of the ordinary: I lost 1,7kg with the WeightWatcher helping program. I made a real good recipe from their cookbook, a Chickenstew with Mango.
And for dessert I got to adjust a chocolate cake recipe and made my own homecooked cherry-marmalade to the cake filling. Its yummie.
   After have read some upsetting news I went for a walk , got to the lake, sat down on the rock nearest to the water and wrote down my anger towards the ignorant powerful people and about everything that does not work, threw the note into the water and felt so much better. (No, not really I saved my notes so that I may share them after I've done some more research..)

Some people just have that look about them

This day I took the bicycle to the store, I had a package to leave at the post office and some food to buy. (Posten- the post-office in Sweden is inside food-stores nowadays). I rang the bell and I saw him come towards me. He was working today. I felt the awkwardness come creeping in. He recognized me (I saw it in his eyes), he took the parcel and looked at the weight of it. I asked if I could get an A-prioritaire mark for that. It comes in the post tomorrow anyway, he says. (Its the same country post, dumb girl). But you need another poststamp. Oh I don't got one with me. He looks at me, writes the cost on a piece of paper. Show this to register cashier personal, I will put another stamp on your letter and see that it goes, he says and smiles. I thank him and walk away, I have still the grocerylist to go through firstly, hope I remember the note. Yeah. I did my shopping in a hurry, to get out, to get some air, to breathe.
  What more can I have said to him? Smiled more and winked maybe? I did do that, didn't I? I could have stood still and watched him get that extra poststamp on the parcel, letter/thing. Waited for something more? I trust him. Some people just have that look about them. Comfort, warmth, hot-blooded type, that searching eyes. Should I have said something more? Wondering still.

in thrpy 2

- Trust issues. I don't trust anybody. That's my problem.
- So you rather sit at home alone instead of going out?
- Because I've been there and done that. I've seen it all.
- Very good, and don't you wish to experience it all again?
- Oh yes I do. And No, I want to do something different. Now I can do something different because I know what happened last time..
  I won't drink too much at a party and fall asleep in the snow afterwards.
- Yes, you were so lucky that the ambulance got to you in time.
- You know what? I have no recollection of that. I know I woke up in a hospitalbed and I was so surprised by it. The last thing I remember was talking about Jim Carrey films by the dinnertable with some guys. I don't even remember going out of her apartment.
- Mhmh. Well you're not alone, this is something that happens to alot of people.
- What do you say? I am not alot of people. I am the good daughter. Why are you making me angry?
- Its natural to feel.. What is it you feel? Disappointed, at your "perfect image". You are only human, my darling dear. And superstition is normal. Everyone has trust issues, every body hurts

Go out and have some fun again, but be careful with your drinking.

learning from TED

I have had the chance to find out about Ted talk a couple of years ago and get inspired of most of them if its my kind of subject, I have enjoyed many these TED talks even those that have a similarity to TEDtalks but done years prior like where John Cleese talk about Creativity and when Douglas Adams talked about Parrots, the universe and everything (it was on YT)
I saw this TED talk on YT today, its only 3minute long talk called the Secret of Success in 8words.
PASSION. - Do it for love. 
WORK, have fun- Work o frolics. 
Be GOOD at what you do. Practice practice practice. 
FOCUS on one thing. 
PUSH yourself- make them selfdoubts go away. Mom pushed me. 
SERVE, a privilege to serve others. Values 
IDEAS. Listen, Observe, be curious ask questions, problem solve, make connections 
PERSIST le failure. All that  C.R.A.P. (criticism, rejection, assholes, pressure) 

On the female front in TED talks a woman talked about Ask questions She started the Crowdfunding for her music band, very inspiring lady to me. 

   Margaret Hefferman about Dare to disagree. I'm a shy person so I learned some I need to practice on. See constructive conflict Agree to disagree. Different background, discipline and experinece. Require alot of patience and energy. Only if you really care you will do that. Biggest disaster come from organisations. How do organisations think? They dont they cant think because the people inside of them being afraid of raise a conflict. She gave an example of that and as the closing sentence Margaret said -Openness isn't the end it is the beginning.

   A third woman to mention from TED talks is Jill Taylor Bolte who had a Stroke, being a brain scientist/researcher professional she did a very good anecdote and entertaining, educating speech. I made a hoppity attempt to transcript some of her saying, but I guess if you´re into learning about left and right, its better to see Jill on YT for yourself. 

Brother with Schizophrenia only make introvert, not participate with the world like normal. Research during the day and .. A blood vessel exploded. Could not walk, talk or think in right -parallell procesoor -left serial processor different personalities and think about different think. 

 Right side of brain pictures and kinestetic. present moment look like and right hemisphere energy. Brothers and sisters we are perfect. 

 Left hemisphere is linear, all about the past and the future. pick up details, the details associates it with all we learned, think in language. Left side reminds doin laundry I am, I am. Become separate from the energyfield in the right side. The feeling of stroke. looking focused on inner system. lost balance. look on the arm, cant define the boundaries only see energy. 

  The left side shut down. Leftside got back online, we got a problem. 

Right side brain being in LaLa land. All relationships gone when 37y emotional bagage. 

Left brain got back I gotta get to world. Right phone This is Stroke All pixels. 45min. Going to Lala land. Golden Retriever... A little while later, hospital ambulance. Energy lift, spirit surrender. No more choreographer of my life. Chocked to be alive. Loud chaotic sound. Lights too bright, felt enourmous and ... Remember cannot squeeze my enourmousness into that small body, I've found Nirvana. Compassionate people, purposedly choose to go to that semisphere. Motivated to live again. 8 years to recover. The lifeforce of the universe. I Have the power to choose what I want to be. Or choose to be single solid separated from the crowd. The we inside of me. Which do you choose and when? More peaceful in the right hemisphere, thats why an idea is worth spreading.

And thats all TED talks are about being a bit T? Educational Inspiring. (I don't remember what the T stands for, technic, teaching?) Anyways, have to go to bed now. Its 11pm and I got an early start to-morrow. Cheers

How about a moodboard?

I've heard of this dreamboard through Oprah, TV-show I've even made an attempt to do my own kind of dream board.
Now recently I've heard about this moodboard. Its used by designers when they want to style a room or something. The idea of it is apparently that helps others to 'get inside our heads' in order to convey a thematic setting for a design or to explain function in piece of work. The mood board is used to get the right feeling for the livingroom or kitchen you want to decorate.
My work in progress.

(Although to me it sounded like a mood board should be about showing how one's week has been. Did I feel happy or sad this day? The mood board could be a Good tool in therapy I imagine. I don't know anything about decorating myself,  I'm more into human feelings.)